Dear Scam Callers, You Suck and So Does Your Mama
Image by Paco Silva from Pixabay
Intro
Do you hate receiving random ass calls when you are busy or relaxing? Well, you are not alone. I will give you a few options and then tell you what I like to do.
Avoid Giving Your Number/Email to Scammers
How do you give them your number? Remember that freaking ass pornsite that you visited years ago? You know, the one with midgets, balloons, donkeys, and BMW’s. (Big Manly Woman) Do you remember having to sign up for a free account? B-I-N-G-O asshole, they sold your information to the Nigerian Princes and Reverend Doctors of the world. So, do like most young people and create an email just for this sketchy shit and maybe get a burner phone. (You know like drug dealers except with big titted midgets with massive balloon dildos that pop on the inside.) You can also use these numbers for store rewards. These bastards also sell your information, but normally based on your spending habits. Think of this as cookies in real life. Not those cookies fatass. The computer ones.
Block The Numbers
Most phones come with a way to block numbers or even caller ID that stops it for you. You want this if you looked at a lot of weird porn or signed up for every reward system in the world.
Do Not Call List
There is a website. https://www.donotcall.gov/
Unless you think this is a conspiracy. You know, like the flat earthers, the illuminati, the moon landing is fake, etc and so on. Conspiracy theorists are the best type of people. They are always down for an argument. The moon landing is real. It happened. The earth is round. Let’s get it on.
Fuck With Them – My three favorite
“We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty?”
I fucking love these guys more than midget porn. MMM midget porn. I love talking to these guys like a backwoods redneck. (Not far of a stretch for me) I normally drag it out for several minutes. I always say that I own a ‘21 or ‘22 year model Ford. At this point they get excited. Excited like a virgin twenty something year old that has seen boobies for the first time. Then I tell them it’s a 1921 Ford Model T.
“Medicare part A and B?”
Do you fucking have the blue and red card? I do not. Unless I get a call from these fuckers. Then I do and I cannot hear anything they say. Or I am the current sitting president that lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave SE, Washington DC. Joe Biden has gotten a lot of mail about medicare. Or my all time favorite line, “Yes, I have both medicare part A and B, and I got hepatitis C from your mama’s bung-hole last night.”
Indian Callers
As someone from the bible belt, I suck at understanding strong accents. But I will try. Effort is everything. First of all, start out with “Hello, brother!” Before we go any further, let’s talk about your indian accent. Your’s, the reader. It sucks. Do not do it, unless you change all of your T’s with D’s. For example, “I love them big old titties.” Instead say, “I love dem big ole diddies.” It helps, I promise. I love dragging these out and having full blown conversations. Normally it is a scam “From the grant department and you are eligible for eleventy hundred dollars.” Let me tell you, I am the next El Chapo. I am starting a heroin ring, “because I do not use dhad stuff.”